This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
