do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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