He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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