He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
