Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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