My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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