you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
