I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
