his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
