One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
