I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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