i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
