guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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