did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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