Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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