Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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