the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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