New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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