OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
