i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
