Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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