Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
