I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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