can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
