They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
