There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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