is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
