Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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