I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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