I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
