Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
