i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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