i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
