That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
