He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
