We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
