i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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