His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
time to smoke my breakfast
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
