i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
