The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
