You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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