So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
