If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
