You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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