So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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