Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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