Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
