so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
