i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
