New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
