Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
