dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
