I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
