i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
