Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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