Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
