dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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