he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
