I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize